Coming Out Pagan
by Wendy L. Hawksley
One of the most daunting personal issues facing modern Pagans is whether or not to “come out of the broom closet” — that is to say, whether or not to let people know that you are Pagan.
There are many factors to consider in this decision — the nature of your family, friends and co-workers; whether or not your community is Pagan-friendly; and your own level of comfort. If you feel at all frightened, endangered, or “not right,” then my advice is to stay in the closet. However, there are factors that make this more complex than a simple “in or out” decision. Here are a few simple signposts for along the way.
#1: Have your life “together” before you come out as a Pagan.
It’s difficult enough to respond to the bombardment of questions you are likely to receive upon revealing yourself as a Witch or Pagan. If, in addition, you are constantly in debt, have trouble keeping a job, or your life is simply out of control, you should consider working out your personal problems before going public. It is easy for people to blame any problems you may (or may not!) have on the “evils” of Paganism. That’s an additional headache you do not need. So, harsh as it sounds, get your life together before proclaiming your witch-hood. Doing so will help protect the image of Pagans in general and will help you in allying any fears that may surface from your announcement.
#2: Sometimes, the closet might be your best choice.
One prime example is if you are involved in any sort of legal battle, especially involving custody of a minor child. During my legal career, I worked at a firm that represented a Wiccan mother in a custody case. Even though she was a good parent, her ex-husband sought to discredit her by portraying her as a danger to the children based on her religion. These arguments can be very convincing to the uninformed judge, particularly in less liberal communities. Fortunately, the attorney handling this case sought my help and I was able to help strengthen his client’s case.
Being an open Pagan at work is another case when discretion may be the better part of valor. Even if your friends and family are aware of your beliefs, you may find it is best to keep them to yourself in the workplace. Consider whether or not your co-workers are ready to know this much about you! (It’s really none of their business.) As long as you do your job to the best of your ability, are competent, and do not goof off, there is no reason for anyone to complain about your religion except for their own prejudices.
The tolerance factor of the community in which you live is another important factor. If you reside in an area with a well-known Klu Klux Klan chapter, slapping a “My Other Car is a Broom” bumper sticker on your car might not be the most intelligent move. You are begging for trouble — consider if you really want it.
There’s no need to panic: dating outside of the Pagan community does not mean your relationship will fail. Being honest from the start will prevent greater heart-ache later on.
#3: Be honest in love.
Regardless of whether you are closeted in your community, workspace, or family, there is one instance in which you should always make your beliefs known: when you are engaged in a serious relationship. I have known people to go as far as marriage without disclosing their religion to their beloved or, even worse, to allow their loved one to believe they have “changed their ways” at his/her request. One piece of advice here: don’t do it! If you cannot be honest with your mate, you will regret it later.
There’s no need to panic: dating outside of the Pagan community does not necessarily mean your relationship will fail. Being honest from the start protects you from greater heartache later. The worst case scenerio is for you to never say a thing, and then have your mate find “evidence” of the occult in your home — books, ritual tools, etc. Such a path will lead to distrust and suspicion — the last thing you need.
As you think about telling your girlfriend/boyfriend about your religion, consider what attracted you to each other in the first place. Your love is probably not going to condemn you, but you may be challenged to explain your beliefs. Who knows, s/he may even be interested in joining your path as well.
#4: There’s safety in numbers.
You can be an advocate for Pagan rights even if you are still closeted yourself. If you are new to an area, anonymous internet contact is a great way to get in touch with local Pagans and get an idea of the number in your area, their overall attitude and what they think about the Pagan-friendliness factor. Another way to help is to support businesses, services and groups that fight for Pagan rights or give Pagans safe places to gather. If a petition is being circulated, sign it. If you need to, use your magickal name to protect your identity; if you are an “out” Pagan, proudly sign your legal name! Contribute to organizations that works on behalf of Pagans and shop in local Pagan-owned businesses. Put your talents to use by selling your work in Pagan shops. While the proprietors will need your name, address, and telephone number, you can, if you prefer, market your work under your magickal name. The same goes for writing for magazines, newsletters, or letters to the editor.
Write to Congress and ask your Representative and/or Senators to support freedom of religion. (You need not specify your personal beliefs.) Write letters of protest when Pagans are denied their rights. Subscribe to Pagan publications, especially local ones. Many offer the option of receiving their magazine in an envelope to protect your privacy. (Editor’s note: this magazine and all those we publish are mailed in sealed envelopes at no additional charge.)
If a Pagan-related story is run in your local media, respond to it. Remember to praise factual and/or supportive stories, and protest inaccurate or derogatory ones. Many newspapers offer an anonymous forum for readers to call and voice their opinions.
When it comes to being “in” or “out,” consider your choices carefully. Analyze all the factors that might be affected by your coming-out. If it feels right — go for it! Coming out of the closet can be a life-altering decision. Be certain you and the people around you are ready for it!
Wendy L. Hawksley is a Massachusetts native, the coordinator of Celestial Circle, a Pagan social group in Dover, Delaware, and the co-local coordinator for Pagan Pride Day in Dover. She is a full time writer and mother.
http://witchesandpagans.com/Paganism-101/coming-out-pagan-nw01.html
One of the most daunting personal issues facing modern Pagans is whether or not to “come out of the broom closet” — that is to say, whether or not to let people know that you are Pagan.
There are many factors to consider in this decision — the nature of your family, friends and co-workers; whether or not your community is Pagan-friendly; and your own level of comfort. If you feel at all frightened, endangered, or “not right,” then my advice is to stay in the closet. However, there are factors that make this more complex than a simple “in or out” decision. Here are a few simple signposts for along the way.
#1: Have your life “together” before you come out as a Pagan.
It’s difficult enough to respond to the bombardment of questions you are likely to receive upon revealing yourself as a Witch or Pagan. If, in addition, you are constantly in debt, have trouble keeping a job, or your life is simply out of control, you should consider working out your personal problems before going public. It is easy for people to blame any problems you may (or may not!) have on the “evils” of Paganism. That’s an additional headache you do not need. So, harsh as it sounds, get your life together before proclaiming your witch-hood. Doing so will help protect the image of Pagans in general and will help you in allying any fears that may surface from your announcement.
#2: Sometimes, the closet might be your best choice.
One prime example is if you are involved in any sort of legal battle, especially involving custody of a minor child. During my legal career, I worked at a firm that represented a Wiccan mother in a custody case. Even though she was a good parent, her ex-husband sought to discredit her by portraying her as a danger to the children based on her religion. These arguments can be very convincing to the uninformed judge, particularly in less liberal communities. Fortunately, the attorney handling this case sought my help and I was able to help strengthen his client’s case.
Being an open Pagan at work is another case when discretion may be the better part of valor. Even if your friends and family are aware of your beliefs, you may find it is best to keep them to yourself in the workplace. Consider whether or not your co-workers are ready to know this much about you! (It’s really none of their business.) As long as you do your job to the best of your ability, are competent, and do not goof off, there is no reason for anyone to complain about your religion except for their own prejudices.
The tolerance factor of the community in which you live is another important factor. If you reside in an area with a well-known Klu Klux Klan chapter, slapping a “My Other Car is a Broom” bumper sticker on your car might not be the most intelligent move. You are begging for trouble — consider if you really want it.
There’s no need to panic: dating outside of the Pagan community does not mean your relationship will fail. Being honest from the start will prevent greater heart-ache later on.
#3: Be honest in love.
Regardless of whether you are closeted in your community, workspace, or family, there is one instance in which you should always make your beliefs known: when you are engaged in a serious relationship. I have known people to go as far as marriage without disclosing their religion to their beloved or, even worse, to allow their loved one to believe they have “changed their ways” at his/her request. One piece of advice here: don’t do it! If you cannot be honest with your mate, you will regret it later.
There’s no need to panic: dating outside of the Pagan community does not necessarily mean your relationship will fail. Being honest from the start protects you from greater heartache later. The worst case scenerio is for you to never say a thing, and then have your mate find “evidence” of the occult in your home — books, ritual tools, etc. Such a path will lead to distrust and suspicion — the last thing you need.
As you think about telling your girlfriend/boyfriend about your religion, consider what attracted you to each other in the first place. Your love is probably not going to condemn you, but you may be challenged to explain your beliefs. Who knows, s/he may even be interested in joining your path as well.
#4: There’s safety in numbers.
You can be an advocate for Pagan rights even if you are still closeted yourself. If you are new to an area, anonymous internet contact is a great way to get in touch with local Pagans and get an idea of the number in your area, their overall attitude and what they think about the Pagan-friendliness factor. Another way to help is to support businesses, services and groups that fight for Pagan rights or give Pagans safe places to gather. If a petition is being circulated, sign it. If you need to, use your magickal name to protect your identity; if you are an “out” Pagan, proudly sign your legal name! Contribute to organizations that works on behalf of Pagans and shop in local Pagan-owned businesses. Put your talents to use by selling your work in Pagan shops. While the proprietors will need your name, address, and telephone number, you can, if you prefer, market your work under your magickal name. The same goes for writing for magazines, newsletters, or letters to the editor.
Write to Congress and ask your Representative and/or Senators to support freedom of religion. (You need not specify your personal beliefs.) Write letters of protest when Pagans are denied their rights. Subscribe to Pagan publications, especially local ones. Many offer the option of receiving their magazine in an envelope to protect your privacy. (Editor’s note: this magazine and all those we publish are mailed in sealed envelopes at no additional charge.)
If a Pagan-related story is run in your local media, respond to it. Remember to praise factual and/or supportive stories, and protest inaccurate or derogatory ones. Many newspapers offer an anonymous forum for readers to call and voice their opinions.
When it comes to being “in” or “out,” consider your choices carefully. Analyze all the factors that might be affected by your coming-out. If it feels right — go for it! Coming out of the closet can be a life-altering decision. Be certain you and the people around you are ready for it!
Wendy L. Hawksley is a Massachusetts native, the coordinator of Celestial Circle, a Pagan social group in Dover, Delaware, and the co-local coordinator for Pagan Pride Day in Dover. She is a full time writer and mother.
http://witchesandpagans.com/Paganism-101/coming-out-pagan-nw01.html
A Message to Young Pagans
Many Thanks
Lady Cluck
In response to this post, I have decided to send out a message to our youth as well. Here we go.
Dear youthful Pagans, our young who search for truth in the religions,
These paths are so exciting, right? I’m sure you’ve started reading, and maybe even practicing, the path of your choice. Did you choose Wicca? Asatru? Maybe you are a Christian witch, or a Hindu? There are so many paths to look into. Regardless of the path you choose, though, here is some advice to make this transition and learning process much easier on everyone involved.
Tags: pagan wiccan paganism wicca text http://pagannews.tumblr.com/post/14195627163/a-message-to-young-pagans
Lady Cluck
In response to this post, I have decided to send out a message to our youth as well. Here we go.
Dear youthful Pagans, our young who search for truth in the religions,
These paths are so exciting, right? I’m sure you’ve started reading, and maybe even practicing, the path of your choice. Did you choose Wicca? Asatru? Maybe you are a Christian witch, or a Hindu? There are so many paths to look into. Regardless of the path you choose, though, here is some advice to make this transition and learning process much easier on everyone involved.
- Research! Research, research, research! And not only about your path- in Paganism there should never be a thought of “the one true religion” in your head. Not these days. Wicca is no better or worse than Palo Monte. And your faith may be bettered by going outside of your comfort zone and learning about other traditions. Talk to a Dianic Wiccan. Discuss heathenry on a forum. Read the Principia Discordia and learn about Discordianism. Doing these things is not an affront to whatever other faith you hold. And don’t you ever look down on another Pagan for being of another tradition.
- Likewise, your Christian parents are not likely to be out to get you. In fact, you may be surprised by how open they are about it. Of course, if you know your parents will have a hard time with Paganism and you don’t want to cause trouble, there is nothing wrong with keeping silent on your studies. Many of these religions are based on ancient mystery religions anyway, and secrecy about your religion is a good thing to have in some cases. Don’t be ashamed of your religion, but there’s no reason to flaunt it if it will cause you trouble. But if your parents are not strict Christians, it may be worth it to try and discuss your ideas and beliefs with them.
- Please stop holding so tight onto the idea of the Burning Times. The men and women who were killed for witchcraft were mostly not witches at all, just people with too much power and enemies or two many odd quirks. Yes, they are horrible and are very scary for real witches as well, because real witches would definitely have been killed. Without a doubt. But the witch hunts are not part of your spiritual history. It is disrespectful to those men and women who did die to claim it as such.
- Your pet does not need to be a familiar. You don’t need a familiar. Pets are great, and having a familiar is a truly enriching experience. However, when you claim that your black cat is your familiar just to seem cooler, you make a mockery of all of the religious paths and people who do have familiars. You make a mockery of our beliefs with your ignorance and play for popularity.
- The Christians did not steal our holy days. They adapted them, changed their holy days to coincide with ours, to help ease converting from Paganism to Christianity, but they did not steal. Jesus, likewise, is not a stolen deity. He is just another similar deity, much like Aphrodite / Venus and any other love / beauty / fertility goddess. Similar, but not stolen.
- You can dress however you want. I mean this. If you still want to dress prep, do it. The Gods have seen me dress prep for 4 years and I have not been struck down. You do not need black velvet robes, but if you like them, then get them! You do not need black hair, but if you like black hair, then dye it! Your personal style does not need to be recreated around your faith.
- Tools are not necessary. You read correctly. You don’t need an athame or candles to be able to do spells, because those things are representative of ideas. Their symbolism is what makes them powerful, but their symbolism can be found anywhere. If you don’t need an athame to focus on your spell, then don’t feel like you need to force it in there. Of course if you’re following a strict ritual, follow it exactly. But if you’re making your own rituals, don’t feel like you need to buy hundreds of dollars of tools, stones, candles, and incense.
- There are times when cursing people is called for, but you have to be absolutely certain of what you’re doing. Curses are not forbidden, and if you do intend to curse someone, well, telling them does half of the job. It’s psyches them out so that when the curse does hit, it’s that much more powerful. But do you really need to use a curse to solve your problems? Use your head and don’t let your emotions do your cursing.
- While we’re on curses, the Wiccan Rede does not, I repeat, it does not disallow curses or things that are harmful. “An it harm none, do as ye will” simply says, if it doesn’t harm anyone, do what you truly will. There is no word in that statement that says you can’t do something that harms someone. You are free to do something that won’t harm anyone; however, if you do want to harm someone, you are not forbidden from doing so. That doesn’t mean you should, however. Read over point 8 again.
Tags: pagan wiccan paganism wicca text http://pagannews.tumblr.com/post/14195627163/a-message-to-young-pagans